A Few Of My Favorite Things

With my time remaining in Israel having dwindled to a scant week, I've been thinking a lot about readjusting to life in the States. Many things about Israel are frustrating to me, and I won't miss them much. Other things in the Israel experience are so similar to the U.S. that it hardly makes any difference whether I'm here or there. Then there are those things that, because of personal experience or impersonal observations, cannot be replicated back home. These are just a handful of the things that are distinctly Israel to me, and that I expect to miss when I go home.

Dogs On Buses

And dogs in restaurants. And dogs in malls. And dogs in kindergartens. And dogs in hospitals. Israelis bring their dogs with them everywhere they go, and no one in this country gives a rats ass. Feeling jealous, dad?

Galgalatz

Sure, they play an indefensible mix of 80's pop, cheesy oldies, kitschy garbage and teeny bop Hebrew music, but Galgalatz is an Israeli institution. My friend Nimrod goes so far as to insist that their weekend program, םופשבוע רגוע (chilled out weekend), is auditory lithium intended to prevent riots or road accidents.

Chutzpa

I have a challenge for any of my readers who will be in Israel in the future: Go to any falafel stand all across the country, order a sandwich, and try to pay with a 100 shekel bill. If the cashier doesn't demand a smaller denomination (so called "small money"), he is either stoned or missing the frontal lobe of his brain. Just try it. Trust me.

Cheap Hummus

Supporting my half-kilo a day hummus habit is about to get a lot more expensive. What bothers me the most about the whole situation is that hummus is just about the perfect food, but it's seriously disrespected in the states. Think about it: You can use it as a main dish or a condiment. It's vegetarian. It has fat, protein and carbohydrates. And it's fucking delicious! I'm gonna have to spend some more time on Lawrence when I get back to Chicago. Not even sure where I'm going to find the stuff in Minneapolis.

The View From The Top Of The Carmel

I've lived here for a full school year, and this view still manages to take my breath away. My parent's house in Chicago is as close to the Lake Michigan shore as the university is to the Mediterranean, but because Chicago is flat we could never see the water. In Haifa, the water is not visible only when there is a building in front of you. The picture does not do justice to the view.

Maccabi Haifa

Maccabi Haifa didn't have a great season. In fact, they finished in fifth, costing their coach his job and giving Menachem plenty of heartburn along the way. Even so, I followed loyally all season and had a great time along the way. I learned something about soccer, although mostly I enjoyed the atmosphere at the games. These are cutallthebullshit contests, with legions of angry, somewhat unbalanced fans screaming their demand for nothing less than total domination on the pitch. The focus is always on the game too. There is no jumbotron, no contests in the stands or T-shirt cannons, and the only time the PA system is engaged is to announce a scoring play or a substitution. It's a novel idea, no? And there is way too much money in American sports for it to ever carry over. So for one last time in Israel, let me proclaim "הדם שלי ירוק."

Egged

Egged has been my primary mode of transportation, both in Haifa and all across the country. I've taken buses between Tel Aviv, Jerusalem, Tiberias, Eilat, Netanya and Nahariyya, as well as innumerable intracity trips in Haifa. They aren't always timely or comfortable, but Egged has always gotten the job done for me, and it will be a shock to say goodbye to those big, green buses.

The Family

Israel can be intimidating, especially initially before one makes the adjustment. I had it easy. Most of my Israeli cousins live in Haifa, and I got to spend a full year getting to know them. My time with them ebbed and flowed depending on my schedule and whether or not I was traveling. I definitely spent the most time with Menachem, who I had lunch with semi regularly. I'm definitely going to miss Shahar (the little guy pictured above) and his little sister Tooty (real name is Shai.) Devora always made sure there was someone to look after me in Haifa, while Karmit and Shani were more than happy to share their kids with me. It's easy to say they are family, but they have been both family and friends while I have been in Haifa and I'll never forget it.

U of Haifa Dorm Life

Whether it's playing cards, drinking and nargila in the backyard, barbecues or weekend bonfires, I had an absolute blast living in the dorms this year. I lived in a dorm once before, my Freshman year in Champaign. And it was nothing like this. People at IT kept their doors closed, were involved in themselves and uninterested and meeting the other people in the dorm. Not so in Haifa. The overwhelming majority of my friends live here in the dorms, both Israeli and international. I've met Jews and Arabs, people who identify with Peace Now or the settlement movement, and international students from all over the world. I've made dozens of friends, and I've learned a lot about the world I live in.

Hebrew

I could write a long post just on my my complicated and ever changing relationship with the Hebrew language. As I was growing up, my attitude ranged from pride to distaste to indifference. When I first arrived to Israel, Hebrew was exciting and novel. However, after a few weeks I got frustrated with struggling with the language every day. Of course it got easier over time, and now it has become just another part of my day. I speak only Hebrew in my house and at work, and only Hebrew with about half of my Israeli friends and many of my family members. I hope that I'll be able to keep my skills up back in the states. Hebrew is an incredible language, logical and beautiful and uniquely Jewish, and I'm immensely proud to say that I finally speak it.

This Post Is Not About Israel

The Chicago Cubs are my one true love. Allow me get that off my chest right now. I have been a fan the entirety of my young life. Nothing would make me happier than watching the Cubs win a World Championship. As of this writing, the Cubs are 9 games over .500 and in first place. This season has me drinking the Kool Aid as much as I ever have. Which is why Jim Hendry, their idiot General Manager, is now dead to me.

Jim Edmonds wasn't out of work long. The Chicago Cubs agreed to a contract with the 37-year-old outfielder on Wednesday, five days after he was released by the San Diego Padres.

"Hopefully, Jimmy has something left and it was just a bad start," General Manager Jim Hendry said.

This time, he has gone too far. There are certain taboos in baseball that you do not transgress, and this should have been one of them. Edmonds is old, broken down and a waste of a roster spot at this point in his career. He is no longer good at baseball. He will not help this team to win. That is not the issue at hand. Edmonds is also an arrogant, hotdogging, selfish clubhouse cancer, who performed unspeakable acts of evil against this franchise for years as a member of the motherfucking St. Louis Cardinals.

He should never have been given the privilege of putting on the blue pinstripes. I worry that this will indeed be the year that we win it all, and the victory will be less sweet for us true believers because we uniformly loathe the team's primary center fielder. There is no forgiveness in my heart for what Edmonds has put me through, and it would fit his M.O. to rob a World Series victory of its unchecked joy. Go straight to hell, Jimmy Ballgame. And take Cruller Jim with you.

The Eternal Learning Curve

Indulge me for a moment while I bitch about something trivial. I've been here since October, and I had never learned how to use the can openers that Israeli's use regularly. I know what your all thinking now. "It's a can opener, what could there be to figure out?" Allow me to show you.


No crank, no wheel, no nothing. The thing was baffling to me. I bought a junk can opener from Supersal just because it looked like one from home. Suffice it to say, it didn't work as well as one from home. It still gave me a sense of comfort. Then the unthinkable happened: I went to open a can of tuna last night, and discovered that my shitty can opener was broken. No longer would it open anything. I was left with but one choice. I could force myself to work the survival can opener, or I could stop eating anything that comes in a can. Being the hardheaded person that I am, there was but one choice. I grabbed the survival can opener, and I began to struggle. And how I struggled. I was sweating, my arm was aching, and I was making no progress. Then, suddenly, I braced the opener against the under lip of the can, and made a small bit of progress! Emboldened, I tried to replicate my technique. It was no picnic, but I eventually got into a rhythm, and by the time my pasta was done cooking, I had opened the can! (Don't ask about what I was making - I'm still a student.) I know this is all pretty nerdy, but it's very exciting for me.

A Series Of Stupid Decisions

The international school had their first organized tiyul of the semester, two days hiking through the central Negev. We left Haifa at 6:30 on Friday morning and headed for Be'er Sheva. I dozed until about Netanya and then woke up again for good and listened to my mp3 the rest of the way. We got to Be'er Sheva at about 9 in the morning and waded into the Druze market on the southern edge of the city to get some breakfast. While there, Nate and Elan bought keffiyahs. I had brought the one I bought in Cairo (I got it expressly for hiking purposes) and once on the bus, Nate and I started playing around with them. One of our staffers, Oshrat was walking back counting heads when she came to our seat and did a double take. Can't say I blame her.

This photo was taken in Beirut in 1977

Our destination on Friday was the Small Machtesh, a large erosion crater of which there are several in the Negev and the Sinai Peninsula, and nowhere else on earth. In fact, the Hebrew word machtesh is the scientific term describing the phenomena. Thats pretty cool, says this observer.

Looking out across the machtesh.

We climbed down a steep, sheer cliff face into the crater. It was slow going to keep anyone from meeting their maker as a fleshy smear at the bottom of the machtesh. This was the kind of steep that would have given my mother a heart attack just being near the edge. Me, I loved it. Everyone was still nice and energized because we hadn't been out in the heat for that long, so we kept a lively chatter all the way down to the bottom. Once the ground leveled out, we picked up the pace and hiked for another half hour before pulling off the trail into a wadi to find some shade for lunch. We found a nice little overhang out of the sun where everyone piled in and munched.

Lunch was a subdued affair. Everyone was just passing around whatever they brought to eat and talking about movies. Our tour guide told a couple of racy jokes before we get moving. This one sticks out in my mind: Why are camels called the "ships of the desert?"
....................
"Because they are filled with Bedouin semen."
Fantastic. We rolled out after an hour or so. The terrain was a lot easier in the machtesh, which was more or less flat. Along the way I found a great walking stick that I kept with me for the rest of the day. We stopped briefly at the "colored sands" of marginal fame, before winding our way out of the machtesh and towards the waiting tour bus.

Lea and I on a rust colored sand dune.

I dozed off on the bus with an hour's distance to get to our camp site for the evening. When I came to, it was dusk and we were pulled off to the side of the road: Our bus had broken down! Always what you want when your on a back country road in the middle of the Negev. The driver was outside throwing buckets of cool water on the engine. I was talking to Eli on the phone about our weekend plans when the engine roared to life again, and we began to crawl forward. I was not in the mood to get out and push anyway. That night we stayed in the eternally cliche "Bedouin tent" again. We had a nice kabbalat shabbat program in the tent, with singing and a few Jewish morality themed stories. We made a feast as usual, with tons of meat, several different kinds of salad, fresh tehina and pita that we made ourselves over the campfire. Afterwards we roasted marshmallows for s'mores, and then a group of people climbed up a nearby hill to look at the stars.

Standing around the campfire.

The next day we hiked through Ein Bokek, a trail that is dominated by hot springs and wadi's that had some water in them due to the recent rains. We stopped at a natural pool and my better prepared colleagues started changing into swim suits. I had forgotten mine. I lay out on a flat rock to sun myself when I heard about the second pool nearby that was small enough to wade into without actually swimming. This would prove to be the start of my downfall. I headed over with the intent of washing the sweat and grime out of my hair. I waded in about knee deep and dunked my head into the water - and the rest of me followed shortly after. Thoroughly soaked and marginally embarrassed, I climbed out, only to feel an unwelcome weight in my side pocket - I reached in and pulled out my cell phone. It was off and wasn't turning back on. I let out a stream of curses and then took the thing apart, hoping that if it dried out it would work again.

The swimming hole.

Having already gotten all wet, I figured I may as well go swimming, so I ditched my shirt and climbed down the narrow crevice into the water. Nothing could have prepared me for this cold. My testicles were up somewhere near small intestine. I swam across to the bank on the other side to get out of the water, when I felt the second unwelcome weight, this time in my back pocket. I pulled out my waterlogged wallet and pondered it for a second, before cutting loose with a second string of F-bombs. Dejected, I lobbed the wallet up to some friends sitting on the ledge above, hoping my money and cards would later be salvageable. I waded back into the water, ready to face the chill in the hopes of at least accomplishing what I initially set out to do, and wash my hair out. I dunked my head a second time, shook it out and then came up blind: my motherfucking glasses had fallen off and disappeared into the murk! Bless my friend Colleen, she refused to let my moronic decisions doom me to a lost pair of glasses on top of everything else. She found them and pulled them out of the water for me, very much intact and no worse off.

At least I didn't do something stupid in this photo.

Our final stop on yesterday's trip was at the dead sea. I actually went in the water this time, for the first time since I was 17. It was pleasant. I only had one minor cut so there wasn't much stinging or discomfort this time around. I floated with a group of people, and then showered off and changed into dry (but not clean) clothing. I smelled like a cross between a rotten egg and a foot all the way home. The ride home was actually one of the highlights of the trip. We took the road from the dead sea to Jericho, and then traveled through the West Bank to Jerusalem. Along the way, Danny Moss busted out with his guitar and myself and four or five other guys serenaded the group for a solid 45 minutes. People were singing along, clapping and having a grand old time. After a stop for food and diesel, I headed to the back of the bus where Diana and Josh were performing slam poetry. It was a sweet ride home, and a relaxing way to close out the evening. By the way, my phone is dried out and working again, and my cards and money are all in working order as well. Mallory gave me the idea of putting all the phone parts in a bag of rice overnight, as the rice would absorb the moisture. I don't know if that's what did it, but the phone works again so I owe her one. The wallet is the only thing that wasn't salvageable, but that's not a huge deal. I can laugh about it today.

Jews marching through the desert.

Hailey celebrating wide open spaces.

Our tour guide caught a desert scorpion.

Bill and I on the edge of the crater.

A rest along the way.

Pitchers And Catchers Report

Every religion has their festivals, many of which are long and unnecesarily drawn out. Jews have 8 long days of cholesterol and matza induced constipation. Christians get 6 weeks of bad music and bogus "War on Christmas" stories on Fox News. Muslims have the pleasure of skipping lunch for an entire month. For Cubs fans, the protracted holiday season begins today: pitchers and catchers have reported to Mesa! Glory, glory hallelujah!

Of course today is ultimately little more than an embellished landmark on the road from the darkness of the offseason to the sublimity of baseball's rebirth. If opening day is Christmas, than today is a mere Black Friday. "But Eddie", you'll protest, "this is a broken analogy! Baseball isn't a religious experience!" Tell that to these whackos: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ib8s3Ozgccc

So today, on this the holiest day of the month of February, we pray that the baseball gods will deliver us swiftly to the regular season, devoid of any hot tub or fungo bat related injuries, and perhaps they will see fit to nominate a sucker to take Jason Marquis off our hands. Amen.

(I get the distinct impression I'll be atoning for this post on Yom Kippur.)

Shut Out

Today is the Islamic New Year, called Muharram. I certainly wish I had known about that two days ago, as I could have avoided a whole lot of crap. As you all know, my trip to Jordan was supposed to begin this morning at the Arava Desert border crossing between Eilat and Aqaba, Jordan. I am still in Israel, back in Haifa in fact.

Lina can barely contain her enthusiasm for Jordan.

We were cold but excited when we arrived to Eilat this morning. Our bus got in around 5:15 in the morning after driving all night. I must have slept because I don't remember any of the desert on the way down, but it wasn't good sleep. Even so, everyone was ready to roll, so we started walking. Unfortunately, we didn't exactly know where to go either. After about 45 minutes of walking (where we nearly walked onto an army base), we hailed cabs to take us to the border crossing. At the time I was thrilled, because the ride was cheap and crossing is way outside the city, and not an easy walk on a cold, windy day. The cabs took off and we made for the closed crossing, assuming it just hadn't opened for the day yet. Then I read this:


I think I had to read it three times to truly take it in. The first time, I was simply confused and nonplussed, while the second time through I think I didn't comprehend what it meant because I didn't want to. However, on yet another inspection, the message was completely fucking clear. Nowhere was this printed, announced or advertised except on this small plaque hanging on the gates of the border crossing. The cabbies didn't know about it, and when we asked about the holiday at the information booth back in the city, they didn't know about it either. In fact, here is a link to the Israel Airports Authority website: There is no mention of it anywhere. We could not have planned for this if we tried.

We might have been stranded, but God damn it, this was a photo op!

The trek back to town was not fun. It was still before regular business hours so no one was really out, and we were plenty far removed from the city center, so no taxis to hail. We had to climb back over several steep hills and cut through an agricultural plant before finding the highway, and then climbed out of a ravine up to the road where we finally found a gas station to wait in until a cab came by. It was about as windy a morning as I can remember, the kind that just cuts through your clothing. We discussed sticking around in Eilat for the day and then going back tomorrow to head on to Petra, but if you can't be outside, there isn't much to do in Eilat. It is a resort city with nice beaches, and not a whole lot else. Besides, half of us had to be back in Israel by tomorrow morning anyway. We made the decision to come back north, on what would turn out to be a 7 hour bus ride. I suppose I will find this funny in a few days, but right now not so much.

Shit.

Government Disservices

Allow me to be forthcoming for a moment. The fact that I have not had a student visa up to this point has been mostly my fault, and I don't run from my own responsibility. I had the opportunity to handle it over the summer, but was preoccupied and didn't get it done. I should have been more pushy at the international office in October, when I asked for an appointment and they told me to come back in a month when they would be less busy. And there was that business two weeks ago while my family was visiting. For those who haven't already heard, I now feel comfortable telling the whole story.

Two Sunday's ago I had another appointment with the interior ministry, at 10:40 in the morning. As I was staying at my parents hotel in Mercaz HaCarmel, Richard and I simply hopped on the Carmelit in the morning and rode the train all the way downtown. Quick, easy and painless. I got to the office with my letter from the University and my passport photos and began to fill out the application. Soon after asking for my name, address, nationality etc... the form asked for my passport number. It was at this moment that I realized my passport was not with me, rather it was in my desk at my dorm room.

Richard and I raced out of there and hopped back on the subway, with my parents and Bubbie Ruth simultaneously getting in the car to come get us at the top. We had to hurry, the wonderful government offices closed at noon that day. We got back to the top by 11:10, and up to the university by 11:30. I really thought we were going to make it. Then we got stuck in a miserable (but not surprising) traffic jam on the coastal road around Haifa, and that was it. We got back to the ministry at 12:10, and they wouldn't even let me in the front door.

I had no intention of letting another episode like that happen this morning. I needed that visa today, for two reasons. For one, my tourist visa expires today. After that, I would have been in Israel illegally. Second of all, I needed to be able to leave and re-enter the country ASAP, as tomorrow morning I am crossing the border into Jordan for a few days touring. This will be my first time in an Arab country, so it should be an interesting experience. I'll be bringing my Arabic-English dictionary along of course.

In the end I got my visa, though it was no picnic. I arrived a half hour before the office I needed was scheduled to open - they made me and a dozen other people wait outside in the cold until 8 A.M. Once I got upstairs it was smooth sailing though. I sat down at the desk, had a curt interview in Hebrew with one of the employees, paid for the service, and 15 minutes later I was walking out the door with my brand new student visa! Now that I have it, it's time to explore outside Israel. I leave for the Eilat border crossing on the midnight bus from Haifa tonight, and should be in Petra by this time tomorrow. I'll hopefully have lots of pictures and stories forthcoming!

I Am Going To Catch Tuberculosis From A Classmate

Is it so much to ask that someone who is violently ill not come to class where she can infect the rest of us? Seriously, it's really starting to bother me. There is a girl in my Hebrew class who seemingly comes down with a terminal illness every six hours, but she insists on coming to class, sitting near me and then hacking up a lung all over the classroom! I don't want to catch your flu!

School is almost over for the week and then I have a second weekend with my family in the north. By the way, I'm planning to update all of you on all my travels with the family after exams are finished. Right now I simply don't have the time. My exam schedule is as follows: Monday afternoon I have my Rabbinic Lit exam, and I'm a little concerned about that one. Simply put, my mind does not work the way the mind of a 1st century Rabbi did. This makes it difficult to analyze the text. Even so, I've been studying hard for it all week and I have a basic understanding of the material. My Terrorism and Responses exam is scheduled for Tuesday afternoon, and I'm not worried about that at all. I'm a rockstar in that class. Wednesday afternoon is Arabic, and I will be prepared by the time I have to take the test. Thursday morning I will take my Hebrew final exam, thus ending a marathon week of testing. I'll also have some kind of final assignment for Arab Israeli Relations, but our professor hasn't deemed us worthy of learning the details of the assignment more than a week in advance.

As for the weekend to come, it will be a mash of family, studying and goodbyes. Many of my closest friends at the University are only staying in Israel through the end of the semester, and then returning home or to programs in other countries. My hope is that we will all get to go out and spend a last night together chilling as a group. I'm going to miss them. Shabbat shalom.

Strange Happenings At Haifa U

The student strike is well underway as the union promised. There have been demonstrations every day since Monday, and the student union built a physical barrier blocking the interior road that runs parallel to the university. Today they burned car tires. Even so, I've been a little disappointed with what seems to me to be a contrived demonstration by a student base that is not terrifically committed to the stated cause. The end result has been the effective closure of the university without making an effective statement to the professors or the government about their rights and expectations. I've taken part in better protests than this one. If I was the student union, I would be embarrassed. I stopped by the barrier to see the protest in action. There were maybe 20 students there, and they were sitting around eating. Totally pathetic.

The student's "demonstration" on Monday afternoon.

The strike has not canceled my classes, but it has succeeded in making things really inconvenient for me and the other international student types. We've held class in the dorm area for the last few days. We nearly had a full on disaster in Hebrew class Monday. We were given the dorm synagogue as space to hold class, which is not optimal to begin with. It was cold in there so we turned on the radiator. 20 minutes later we began to smell something acrid. The fucking radiator was going up in flames! The class went bananas, running around trying to find a fire extinguisher. Here's what really gets me; there was no fire extinguisher in the synagogue! I just can't believe that. We even found a room in the back filled with hookahs and board games, but no fire extinguisher! It's unconscionable. Thank God the fire burned down on its own. There was a stack of wooden chairs leaning up against it. This could have been a disaster. Clearly, the University of Haifa does not take fire safety seriously.

I've had classes in two different rooms in the moadon, the Federman lounge area where I normally check my email and post to this page, in the synagogue as I mentioned, even in the living room of my apartment! Starting today the union agreed to open one wing of one academic building to us so we could continue with class in an actual classroom. The result is that I stayed in one room for 5 consecutive hours today on a beautiful sunny day. What started out worth a few chuckles is quickly starting to get on my nerves. I really hope that this strike ends soon. Actually, I hope the government will finally sit down to negotiate a fair agreement with the professors, but it'll be a cold day in hell before that happens.

I went to a pub tonight to meet Menachem and Amir and watch the Maccabi Haifa - Beitar Jerusalem soccer match. Apparently tonight's game does not count towards the league standings as it is a game in the separate "Toto Cup" competition, but nobody told the players this. It was the dirtiest game I have seen since I got to Israel. A Beitar player drew a red card less than 5 minutes after we sat down. The refs are probably icing down their wrists tonight after having to reach into their pockets for yellow cards so many times. In spite of (or maybe because of) the dirty play, it was also the most exciting game I've seen all year! In Toto Cup play, there are no draws and if after a 30 minute overtime session the game is still tied, it is determined by penalty kicks. Maccabi and Beitar were deadlocked 2-2 after 120 minutes of soccer and headed to the penalty kick segment of the game. What a finish. Maccabi trailed early but got back back into it and eventually bested their arch rivals by a final score of 7-6. At one point in the extra session, Menachem pointed out the Beitar player lining up for his kick, and told me he was an old Maccabi player who had been their captain for years. I asked Menachem what his name was. Without missing a beat, he responded with "son of a bitch." God love that devotion!

Castles Made Of Sand

This is how the Hamas establishment in the Gaza Strip is beginning to appear. I read an article this morning about the upcoming Annapolis peace conference. Mostly good news: Saudi Arabia is sending its foreign minister and Syria is close to sending theirs. This is a political coup for Israel and the United States, and could signal the beginning of peace negotiations between Israel and each of these countries. Hamas' response was classic: Their Damascus based leadership is predicting a "new wave of Palestinian violence" in response to the peace conference. This is akin to the mafia predicting a structure fire in your store if you don't pay them protection money. I only have two things to say about such a brazen, vile position. The first is that Hamas has clearly lost any influence they once held in the eyes of foreign Arab governments. They have been bitching and moaning about this conference since the moment it was conceived, and to no effect whatsoever. Clearly, their power is waning. This brings me to my second point: Hamas can't strong arm their genocidal position politically anymore, so they are falling back on their favored tactic. Murder is what they know best, and murder is how they intend to proceed. One final note about Hamas. Since the PLC elections last year, Hamas has killed more Palestinians than Israelis. These are theocratic terrorist thugs and cowards who have already demonstrated they will do anything to maintain the power they have gained. Time is now on Israel's side. Don't be surprised when Hamas is finally washed away.

Turkey Day Love From The Land Of Shawarma

I want to wish everyone a happy Thanksgiving and I hope you are all enjoying your time at home with the family. Thanksgiving is probably the only major American holiday I really enjoy, so it is also probably the only major American holiday I will miss. Independence day always means crowds and bees and humidity at Navy Pier, and New Years day was always just a part of my winter break from school. Of course I do not even want to mention the wretched 3 month Christmas season in the U.S., and does anyone outside of Chicago even know what "Pulaski Day" is? Thanksgiving is different though. Thanksgiving means eating and hanging out with the family, arguing about football with my dad and enjoying the fact that we get three days to sleep off the meal before everyone goes back to work on Monday. In my absence, I request that everyone eat even more turkey and stuffing, watch even more football, and fall into an even deeper after dinner coma. Remember guys: This is one for you plus one for me, and no one has to pour a 40 on the ground.

On to my wheelings and dealings of late. My presentation in Terrorism and Responses went quite well. We were eloquent and thorough and probably earned an A on the whole thing. That night in the moadon, there was a class on how to make hummus and shakshuka. About 20 people showed up and we made a big dinner for everyone, complete with salad and pita, fresh tehina, red wine and chocolate balls for dessert. I made tehina.

Stirring the fresh tehina.

I am starting to feel like my days and nights revolve around food. Wednesday night was מועדון בישול (cooking club) as usual. We went southeast Asian this week. I made chicken stir fry and a huge pan full of vegetable fried rice. I've never made fried rice before and I didn't bother to check a recipe or even look at directions. I just winged it, as I am wont to do. It actually turned out pretty well, which will just reinforce my laissez faire approach to following directions in the kitchen. Late last night, some of the guys in the dorm threw an apartment party, so I was there for a few hours last night. I still love pubs, but house and apartment parties can really be a lot of fun, especially if you are there with friends. I had a great time.

There is a 40-something couple in my Hebrew class. The husband, Shlomo gave a presentation today on the carob tree. There were a few fun moments I would like to share. First of all, I got to class a few minutes early this morning, where Shlomo was setting up. For those who haven't experienced it firsthand, the male carob tree has a very 'distinct' smell. To put it lightly, this 40-something professional biologist smiled at me as I walked in, and told me he was doing his presentation on the 'sperm tree.' The laughs didn't end there though. He handed out carob fruit in class for people to try. Eva, the girl sitting next to me bit into hers, shrieked in horror and ran out of the room. Apparently, she looked at the bite and saw half a bug inside. Even our teacher Mina was laughing. Eva took it in stride once she came back so no real harm done. Needless to say, people stopped eating the carob after that.

Ecstasy From A Toaster Oven

I have a new roommate. Haven't met him, don't know his name or even his face, and yet he is my new favorite roommate. He brought us a new toaster oven! It's brand new and it works beautifully and it is sitting in our kitchen opposite the counter! Honestly, this is definitely another one of those instances where you are forced to get used to being without. I haven't had an oven or a microwave all semester, and I had basically stopped pining for either. What a sucker I was. I used it for the first time this afternoon. Nothing really complicated, I just broiled some chicken sausages I had in the freezer. Even so, it was magic!

Today may be my most significant day of the semester to date. I have two presentations scheduled for today, in Hebrew and in Terrorism and Responses. I already delivered my Hebrew presentation this morning, while Terrorism and Responses isn't for another few hours. I can only hope that project goes as well as the one this morning did. As you may recall, my topic is the relationships between Hebrew and Arabic (היחסים בין עברית לערבהית.) I chose this topic under the assumption that linguistics would bore my classmates and they would ignore my presentation, thus undermining their ability to ask additional questions at the end. I was dead wrong, and I'm glad I was. They were paying rapt attention the entire time, asking questions throughout. With the formal Q & A section after the presentation, I spoke for about 40 minutes. I definitely aced the project, and I had fun while doing it too.

I would prefer to keep this page relatively apolitical, for everyone's sake. However, I am compelled to say something political today. I read in the newspaper this morning that the continuing faculty strike in the University sector is about to complete its fifth week. The Universities are about to cancel the break between semesters and may need to dip into the summer break as well in order to make up for the lost time. The students are already in an awkward position because their professors are on strike, but adjunct instructors are still teaching, meaning that University students have those classes taught by a TA, but do not have those classes taught by a senior faculty member. This has led to serious crowding issus in the classes that do exist, and because adjunct instructors need permission from a professor to give an exam, some classes may not even have their midterms.

Meanwhile the secondary school strike reached its 36th day this morning, with no real progress to speak of. There was a massive protest at Kikar Rabin in Tel Aviv over the weekend in favor of the teachers, but it looks to have accomplished nothing. What does this all mean? Education in this country is not a priority. The government is sitting on its hands with both the high school teachers and the university professors, and that is indefensible. The government keeps trotting out the same line about money and working conditions (including class size and teaching hours) but is totally unwilling to come to the table and compromise. Education should be a priority always, especially here in Israel. If the government can't pony up the cash to pay their instructors a fair wage, then perhaps it is time to reexamine where their money is going.

100,000 protesters couldn't convince this shitty government to act.

On a lighter note.... We had a thunderstorm that raged all night last night, and we've had intermittent rain all day. It's cold, wet and generally unpleasant outside today. What this means of course is that everyone back home who is praying for rain in the holy land is doing a bang up job! I wish I could thank you all personally for this miserable day. I bought an umbrella from the university store so as not to melt on my walk to class. Enough for now, I've got to go practice for my presentation this afternoon. I hope everyone is enjoying their Thanksgiving breaks.

Nes

Today was an average Monday. Getting out of bed took a tremendous deal of effort, and I was pretty drowsy all the way through Arabic this morning. I grabbed a cup of Nes before Hebrew Ulpan, much to my embarrassment. For those who don't know, Nes is local slang for instant coffee. This is because the Nescafe' brand ran ads making a play on the Hebrew word נס, meaning miracle. In other words, Nescafe' is the miracle of coffee. Except it's garbage. I can't believe I am drinking this swill. Finding a real cup of coffee in this country is all but impossible so it's all I have. There is a coffee machine in the Terrace Building that serves Nes like its real coffee; cappucino, mocha, lattes and espresso. It's really quite impressive, and at 1.10 Shekels per cup, it's seductive. The worst part is that I'm actually starting to not hate the taste.

How humiliating.

One thing this stuff is good for is warming me up when it's chilly outside. I'm really not a superstitious guy. I'm just aware of the coincidences that superstitious people would attribute to some omen. That said, the last time I complained about the cold weather, it got nice and warm again and stayed that way for quite a while. It's getting cold here now and I don't much care for it. It's a different cold from back home too. It comes from a general attitude around here that winter doesn't really happen, so it seems colder than it is. That's the best way I can explain it. None of this is really rational, but I'm not always entirely rational either.

Schadenfreude

I want to get this in writing while I still can: With 7:40 remaining in the second quarter, the Fighting Illini football team is tied at 14 with undefeated Ohio State, the top ranked team in the country. I'm thrilled that Illinois is a respectable team again, and very bitter that they didn't qualify for a single bowl game in my four years in Champaign. On to tonight's post...

We had a nice barbecue at the dorms this afternoon. A group of international students got together and we made ourselves a feast. Kabobs, turkey dogs and roasted veggies, pita, salads and hummus, tea and Turkish coffee. I nearly ate myself into a coma. Normally I prefer not to eat until I don't feel well. It was an especially poor decision today because I went over to the Mor's house around 5 to watch the M. Haifa - Bnei Yehuda Tel Aviv soccer match. Devorah seems to worry that I am wasting away, and she wants to stem the hemorrhaging by making sure I eat a lot when I visit. I know she does it because she cares, but I just can't eat that much, and she doesn't take no for an answer.

American men performing our birthright: grilling.

The game was a blowout. Maccabi crushed Bnei Yehuda 3-0, which is the soccer equivalent of telling someone your going to punch them in the mouth, and then going ahead and doing it. Shani and Carmit came with baby Shai around halftime. I spent much of the inconsequential second half playing with Shachar on the porch. God help me when I have kids. I don't have the energy to keep up with Shachar now, and I'm theoretically in my physical prime. After about 25 minutes, Shani came in out of the bullpen and I went back inside to rest. We chatted and I talked with Shai a little, and then everyone left but myself and Menachem. He and I watched a second soccer game, Beitar Jerusalem - Ironi Kiryat Shmona. This game ended in a 0-0 draw, but it was fascinating to talk to Menachem during the game; his schadenfreude was off the charts. The game had only a passing affect on Maccabi's standing in the league, but Menachem's hatred for Beitar is pure, and comes not from standings but from a deep conviction in the true and correct state of his fandom. I both admire and empathize with this particular strain of learned insanity. I am, after all, a Cubs fan.

I did a nice big load of laundry tonight at the Mor's. Devorah uses fabric softener, so my clothes are softer and sweeter smelling than they have been since I arrived. It's just wonderful. Tomorrow I am leaving the University at around 8 A.M. for a day trip in the Galilee. I'll update tomorrow evening with photos and stories. By the way, it's now halftime and Illinois is actually LEADING Ohio State by a touchdown. 21-14 Fighting Illini! I bet those OSU pricks are choking on their own pretentiousness right now. Honestly, "THE" Ohio State University?! Shut the fuck up.

0-0

This is the final score of last night's Maccabi Haifa - Beitar Jerusalem game. And that is wrong. Games should not end without a single score. They just should not. It's an affront to the concept of competition, and it's the reason this game will never catch on in the United States. It could have ended differently, and it should have. M. Haifa had their chances. There was a direct penalty kick that missed the goal completely. Then there was the goal that was called back on a foul (or "alleged" foul according to Menachem.) In the end it made no difference. What a total waste.

Haifa fans pack Kiryat Eliezer Stadium, prepare to kiss their sisters.

Kiryat Eliezer is much nicer than that dump in Netanya. They have a scoreboard and more than twice as much seating than at M. Netanya's stadium. Of course its the same whackos here, and in far greater numbers. This place was rocking. Beitar Jerusalem is Haifa's arch nemesis. Both teams have had recent success, including championship seasons, and they are the two richest and most popular teams in the country. This situation has spawned an intense and hostile rivalry between the opposing fan bases. The Haifa fans were chanting "Jerusalem on the dick" (it rhymes in Hebrew.) Beitar fans responded with chants of "we will fuck your mothers." Wholesome family entertainment.

The Premier League reminds fans that violence and racism set a poor example.

Of course there was no need for brawling with no winner. Rather the atmosphere was significantly tamer on the way out of the stadium than it was during the game. Getting home was an ordeal too. We waited for nearly an hour for a bus before finally breaking down and taking a cab home. I swear, Egged is less reliable than the CTA. It gets pretty frustrating. Our cabbie was easily the worst driver I've encountered in Israel too. I negotiated a price with him before we got in, so apparently he had no incentive to drive slowly. There is a road that winds up the mountain towards the University, and the speed limit is 70 KM/H. He was going 100, and weaving in and out of lanes like he had a death wish. I was thrilled to arrive back home in one piece.

My cabbie, B.D. Joe

Today was a very long day. 7 hours of class, plus my volunteer project this evening. I finally really got underway. My tutee is a 17 year old Ethiopian girl named Macey, who speaks almost no English. This is of course great practice for my Hebrew, but my goal is help her learn some English. Now that I know the situation I can start prepping for the tutoring session on the weekends. I'm not getting a curriculum or even materials from the University or the program, so I'll write my own exercises. No hassle there, it will afford me the kind of freedom that I crave in these situations.

Soapathy

When I get really busy or really tired, the first thing that I forgo is regular showers. It's not something I'm proud of but it's just how it is with me. As it stands now, I haven't showered since Sunday morning. I intended to get clean this morning, but instead I snoozed my alarm three times, and then there was only time for a quick bite to eat before I left for my 8 AM Hebrew ulpan class. I do plan on grabbing a shower this afternoon before "Terrorism and Responses."

Mondays and Tuesdays are just really long for me. Yesterday I had seven hours of classes, another 3 hours of homework and somewhere in between I found time for two other activit ies: First of all, my volunteer program 'began' last night. I will be tutoring young Ethiopian olim in English. We were supposed to go to meet the kids last night. We drove to Kiryat Chaim (a low income suburb of Haifa) to a community center where we were meeting them. We got about 5 minutes of face time before they all left, and then we had 2 hours to sit around and do nothing before the bus came back to pick us all up. What an absolute waste of time. I'm usually pretty comfortable with minimal levels of organization, but this was total disorganization.

As frustrating as that was, I had the opportunity to do something fun that I never EVER considered doing in Israel. An Israeli friend of mine is a baseball fan, and he borrowed 2 gloves and a baseball from his younger brother. We played catch! Just like in the front yard with my dad, or back in Champaign on the quad. Such a merging of two of my greatest passions (baseball and Israel) I had never thought possible.

Rina is loading us with more Arabic homework than I can believe. I'm picking it up quickly, which is good, but I also need time for my other classes and a little time to relax during the week. We had 2 hours last night, and she gave us about 3 for an encore tonight. My sourpuss countenance didn't last long though. The student union was handing out cotton candy on the main pedestrian walkway between the dorms and the school buildings! I was thoroughly enjoying this childhood pleasure when one of the Israelis told me what cotton candy is called in Hebrew: grandmother's hair (שערות סבתה.) It's a revolting image, and the cotton candy became immediately became less appealing. This gave me an idea.

What if the solution to America's weight problem is giving horrible names to otherwise alluring junk food? Could this work? Would people really be less inclined to eat something that they know tastes good if it had a vile name? Of course being the amateur scientist that I am, I needed to test this hypothesis. We're going to go with something that is universally believed to have no health benefits whatsoever: soda-pop. People argue about whether to call it 'soda' or 'pop' but I'm dispensing with both of these terms. From now on, the only phrase you'll see in this space is "roadkill juice."

Who wants a cold bottle of roadkill juice?!

Here's what I need from you: Tell me if this is having any effect at all. For my college-age readers: do you find yourselves more likely to take the vodka straight instead of mixing it with roadkill juice? For my fellow KS members: are there fewer roadkill juice rewards caps available for me at the end of a kiddush lunch? Don't tell me now. Assess after a few months of random reinforcement from this page.

I want to close today's entry on a serious note. Today is an international solidarity day for Israel's 3 kidnapped soldiers: Gilad Shalit, being held captive by Hamas in the Gaza Strip, and Ehud Goldwasser and Eldad Regev who are being held by Hizbollah, captured in the cross border attack that provoked the Second Lebanon War. Whether you are participating in an organized program or not, please take a few moments today to think of them, or pray for them if you are inclined to do so, that we will not forget them. Hopefully soon they will come home.

Yitzhak Rabin Memorial Day

Today we commemorated the 12th anniversary of the murder of Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin by a religious extremist. There was a ceremony on campus that drew about 500 people. As it was all in Hebrew, I got the essence of the speeches if not every word, but what really moved me was a performance of the song "שלום, חבר" which was written by Shalom Hanoch.


The representative from the student union talked about how everyone in the audience remembered where they were when they heard that Rabin had been murdered, and actually I do. I was in our basement and turned on the television and one the news jockeys (Peter Jennings?) announced Rabin's assassination. I was only 11 years old at the time, and this made a big impact on me. Most people don't know, though I'm sure that my parents remember that I wrote a silly song about Rabin when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade. Of course Oslo was not the redemption it promised to be, but at 11 years old, Rabin's murder signaled the end of a child's dream for peace.

On a more cheerful note, another person is now living in my apartment. Hamzan has not moved in yet but I saw him again today. The new roommate is also Arab so I'm beginning to wonder if mine will be an otherwise all Arab apartment. My dad joked to me earlier that I would be the "token Jew." Seriously though, is it irony that I come to Israel and for the first time in my life have non-Jewish roommates? Who knows. Anyway, I haven't talked to the new roommate much yet but I think that he may be shy. Soon I suppose.

I have met a few more Israelis. I played a few games of basketball last night with Israelis. Not that I didn't already know this, but the Camp Ramah "camp Hebrew" that we use is total bullshit. To whit; the Israelis were yelling "foul" and "shoot." Of course at Ramah it would have been some nonsensical, ridiculous Hebraism that is completely removed from reality. This demonstrates two things: The first, as I said, is that camp Hebrew is bullshit. The second is that Modern Hebrew is really English repackaged with a handful of extra sounds that make Americans spit when they talk. Oh yeah, and I sprained my toe playing. I can walk on it, but I don't think I will be doing any running this weekend.