I guess I should start by saying boker tov. It's about 4 A.M. and I'm at Ben Gurion Airport. I've got time to kill and I need to provide some closure for myself. I'll be honest, at times this blog has been a hassle to write. It doesn't always flow and I went through a long period of writers block. However, right now I am inspired to put my thoughts on the page, as though I can soothe the heartache with a clever turn of phrase. This post will be as flow-of-consciousness as I can muster.
Today would serve as a reasonable metaphor for my entire stay in Haifa. The time seemed to trickle by slowly, but at the end of the day I don't know where it all went. My day began at around 9, when my restless sleep turned to restless wakefulness. I've never been able to sleep well when I am anticipating a big change, and last night was no exception. Knowing I had a lot ahead of me, I pulled myself out of bed and showered off. I spent the remaining part of my morning finishing my packing and cleaning my room. I expected to have to provide a walk through of my room with the dorm staff to prove I had cleaned it. I forgot this was Israel. The dorm mother simply wished me well and gave me an envelope to put my keys in when I dropped them with the guard upon leaving. Oh well.
I met with Nimrod and Ayelet and went up to their place to hang with them while they lunched. I had plans with Menachem so I didn't eat. At around 12, I walked over to the Ulpan office where Mina had told me she would be working today so that I could wish her goodbye. As it turned out, Rina (my old Arabic teacher) was also in the office and I got to wish them both well. I knew they were fond of me, but I came as close as I know how to blushing when they began to pour on the praise.
I went up to Karmit's office first to say goodbye. We chatted for about 20 minutes about the family and about relationship BS. She couldn't join the two of us for lunch because she had plans with friend's of hers. I headed down a floor to meet Menachem and we headed to our regular spot in the main building for lunch. It was a pleasant, serene lunch and we shot the shit like it was a regular summer afternoon. After lunch, we walked over to the art building to wander and talk in a more stylish setting. I've never really explored the art building and Menachem showed me around. It's quite beautiful. Even though this was less than 24 hours ago, it feels like an eternity has passed. Within the hour, we were back at the top of the steps that lead back into the heart of the campus and towards the dorms. Menachem hugged me and I thanked him for everything. Typically, he told me no thanks were required. He's been like a father to me the past year, and he treated me like his own son until the moment we parted.
I sort of wandered back to the dorms at this point, unsure of what to do with myself. I eventually found myself back in Nimrod and Omri's room and stayed there for a number of hours. The afternoon wore on until it was time to get back to my place. We had a goodbye 'party' for me at my apartment, which would stretch on from 7 P.M. until 1 in the morning. We ordered pizza, sat out on the porch and just hung out. Nearly all of my friends stopped by at some point to say goodbye, and it was gut wrenching every time one of them turned to go home. The last big group shuffled off at about 1, leaving me with Dani, Aaron and Bill, who had promised to help me bring my luggage up to the bus stop. We sat in my empty room for a half hour talking about women and trying to ignore the gnawing sense of void. My room has felt homey to me for as long as I can remember. Now that it was bare, it just felt sterile and cold. Aaron compared it to a cross between a hospital room and a jail cell. It's an ugly and apt comparison.
At 1:30 we brought my things up to the bus stop, where the sherut was already waiting. I said my final goodbyes to the guys, and then loaded into the van. I felt sick. I was the first of 6 or 7 stops that the driver would make in Haifa. A dark, quiet Haifa can do remarkable things for one's ability to reflect. I was mesmerized as we rolled down the familiar streets of Ahuza, Nave Sha'anan, Hadar and Bat Galim, past dark storefronts and shuttered Carmelit stations. Eventually we finished our spin through the neighborhoods of Haifa and got onto route 2 headed South towards Tel Aviv. An hour later, I found myself where I am now, emotionally torn and more than a little bit exhausted. I imagine that from now on, I will never feel totally settled in either the U.S. or Israel. Part of me will always be yearning to be home in another place. Pauliene put a nice spin on that last night; I will always be home in either country. And so it goes. I left my home in Haifa last night, and I will return home to Chicago this afternoon.
See you soon.
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